Somatic Healing - The Missing Piece in My Healing
Somatic healing, the missing piece. To know and label your pain or feelings is one thing, to be able to truly feel them in your body is a whole other thing. For years, I had been intellectualizing my emotions but I never truly allowed my body to feel those emotions. Since childhood, I didn’t allow myself to feel safe enough to feel for one reason or another. This last year, learning somatic healing transformed my life.
To truly feel your emotions in your body is a scary thing when you have never felt safe to feel. To name your emotions is the first part, but to feel, you feel out of control at first when learning. Like a toddler not knowing how to express their frustration. Not being able to go to someone and see if you are valid for feeling the way you do, but to trust yourself in knowing you are valid.
Why is somatic healing scary? We aren’t taught how to healthfully feel. We are taught to suppress, that we aren’t deserving of feeling, because it makes others feel bad. I am here to tell you that you are allowed to feel your emotions! I am also here to tell you that you also have a responsibility to learn the skills on this so that you don’t hurt other people with your raw emotions. Our words stick with people, if we are not careful about how we express ourselves we can unintentionally cause the people we love a lot of emotional damage.
For years, I sat with my pain and could label it, even understand where it came from or know why I felt that way. Those emotions and pain sat dormant in my body, resulting in a burnt-out nervous system, health issues, and seeking relationships that forced me to hide my pain to allow myself to work to feel worthy of love. All of this was keeping me stuck in the past.
I started with a new therapist about a year ago, she completely changed my life. I came to her saying I needed help to fix myself so I don’t lose everything in my life. In my first session, she told me something that I will never forget because it was truly the first time someone had seen past my pain and saw me.
She said, “You are not broken, you are worthy of love just the way you are. We are going to focus on self-love and feeling your emotions. What stays in your life once you've done that is meant to stay, and what goes goes.”
We first started with a feelings chart and journaling, where I would write out about situations I had emotions around. I would journal to regulate my emotions and get to the bottom of what my actual emotions were telling me. Then she gave me exercises to move that emotion through my body, not get rid of it, but move it. Not let it grip my throat where I couldn’t speak, not let it paralyze me in my bed, not let it permit me to lash out in anger.
Let me tell you, the beginning of this journey was rough! I hated it. I felt silly dancing to a song in my office, journaling about my anger, writing my dream date on paper, screaming into a pillow, growling and letting my spine roll.
When I finally surrendered to the work, I changed. I was able to voice when I felt something. I was able to own it and say, “Hey, I feel angry about this situation. Can we talk through it so I can feel seen and work on a better way of handling this in the future?” This taught me to own my emotions, that no emotion is good or bad, it is just an emotion. It’s how we allow that emotion to be expressed that needs to change. Anger is beautiful, insecurities are beautiful. Being able to feel safe in yourself to healthfully communicate these emotions is true vulnerability. It’s using your voice and knowing you are worthy of having a voice. In that vulnerability is where deep connection and love are built, in friendships or partner relationships.
Through this work, I finally discovered that my entire life, I was trying to prove I was a good person, and I am worthy of love. Through this work, I realized that I was constantly in a state of protection to not show anything that would make someone reject me. Through this work, I realized my biggest fear was someone abandoning me, but all along I was abandoning myself.
Self-abandoning can look like saying you’re ok with something when you aren’t, but you want to keep the peace. It can look like sacrificing your needs and giving more of yourself in hopes that someone will choose you. It can look like apologizing for someone else’s hurtful behavior instead of allowing their actions to simply give you information about who they are and making a decision if that is something you are ok experiencing in your life.
You are allowed to take up space in this world. You are allowed to be seen. Take up space! Let people see you in your vulnerability. There is so much strength in allowing yourself this gift. The peace you are looking for is on the other side of being seen.
When I stopped self-abandoning, I had to grieve the person I used to be. I had to be ok with people being upset that I was no longer giving them things that I had overextended myself before giving. I had to be ok with people misunderstanding me.
I opened up about my weight loss earlier this year. I credit it to my therapy. My body finally started feeling safe and able to regulate. It is now very aware of circumstances or people that are not good for it. I now listen to it. When my digestion is off, I clue into what my body may need to FEEL in order to function properly instead of throwing some probiotics at it. When I get an ocular migraine, I clue into what my body may be stressed about that I haven’t felt and expressed yet. When I start bloating and holding onto water, I clue into what my body needs to express and move it so it can let go of survival.
Therapy CHANGED my body. My hormones are leveling out, and my body is functioning, most likely for the first time in my life. I highly recommend a therapist who doesn’t just sit and listen to you talk, but someone who gives you tools on how to regulate your emotions and feel.
Somatic Healing Practices:
Shake your Body: This simple practice has helped me regulate so much. I didn’t realize how still I kept my body until my therapist challenged me to just shake my body. I would get stuck in ruminating thoughts, if I spoke it would come out wrong. Shaking my arms and legs helped get the emotions unstuck and flow. I do this in the shower as I try and regulate, dancing to random songs, I just shake! I will also do this on my vibration plate, I will talk about this more below.
Dance with your eyes closed: Often times when we dance, we are dancing to impress others opinions. When you close your eyes and just let your body move without judgment, it releases so much shame. Just let your body move and flow without critiquing how it looks or moves.
Meditation: I use meditation when I have moved my emotions through my body, and now my mind needs to be still. I have to use guided meditation to do this, so I use the “Insight Timer” app. I set up a safe place and close my eyes to reconnect in stillness. I use my HoomBand for this to help me center inward.
Journal: When I didn’t have a safe place to express my words, journaling helped me put my emotions and feelings into a safe place. This shouldn’t be the only place you put your emotions or words, but it’s a helpful tool. If you are in an environment that silences your words, a journal can help bring you clarity. This is my favorite journal!
Lymphatic Work: I started focusing on lymphatic work about 5 years ago. I have since adopted a lot of practices around this. Your lymphatic system is the only system in your body that doesn’t have an organ pumping it. You have to MOVE for it to support you. Without the movement, your system can get stagnenet and hold a lot of toxins/hormones. I help my body with this by dry brushing, magnsium/detox baths to sweat, oil and lymphtic wooden padels, my vibration plate I stand on, and then follow with lots of water to help my body flush all the toxins and hormones I just released out. When our lymphatic system is clogged, we can unnecessarily be holding onto excess stress hormones affecting out ability to truly be in a regulated state. If I had a stressful day at work and a hard time cycling into stillness, I will do this to help my body regulate.
Breathwork: Learning how powerful your breath is still blows my mind. From someone who has always had panic attacks and anxiety in private, your breath is a tool to come out of these moments. I use the “Insight Timer” app on my phone to help me with breathwork. Guide me through a practice so I can get regulated. I also use this to go to sleep; you can read about how I do this in this post.
Vagus Nerve: I have talked about this a lot in the past, but this has been a huge thing for regulating my nervous system. There is a lot you can do for this! You just need to find the practices that work for you. Your vagus nerve starts at the base of your spine and runs through your neck, chest, and abdomen. When you are disregulated, your vagus nerve is signaling fight or flight to your brain. To get this to come out of distress, activating it is essential. I have an ice roller I will use on my neck, tapping my chest, tapping my face, squeezing my arms or legs, etc.
Grounding: Sometimes this is as simple as lying on the ground when I am overwhelmed. I lie down and visually go from my head to my feet, feeling the pressure of the ground on my body. This helps me to regulate myself to be connected to my body. I will do this after a stressful day at work when I have been in my brain all day. This helps to get me back to my true self and go into the rest of my day grounded. I really want to try a grounding sheet on my bed!
Activate your Voice: I do this in a few ways. I have a Powershout pillow specifically made for screaming into so that I don’t disrupt my neighbors. When I have high emotions, I go to this to get the emotions moving in my body and not stay stuck in my throat. I also speak up when I need to instead of staying quiet or being silenced by someone. You have every right to speak up about something that you feel. How you use your voice is your responsibility; use the tools to express it healthfully.
Feelings Chart: I talked about not getting stuck in intellectualizing your feelings. A feelings chart helps me to get to the core emotion, then I take that information into one of the somatic practices like screaming into a pillow, the feminine embodiment practice, shaking my body, or journaling. Anger is a secondary emotion, there is usually a lot of emotions under the anger. Look deeper then the surface.
Be Seen: To be fully seen is beautiful. Not the curated version you show people, but the raw and vulnerable side. Not being afraid of judgment but freely saying “I feel this way,” can you see me in this and hold me? Doing this for yourself is the first step. When you walk in public, walk with your head up and look people in the eye. Be fully seen in your beauty, confidence, and vulnerability.
Slow Down: Our world has made us overfunction on speed. I purposely slow down my mornings and evenings to allow my nervous system to rest. I speak more slowly when expressing myself. I am slower when I take action on things. This allows your body to regulate, and for true clarity to be found in your mind.
Feminine Embodiment Practice: I could write a lot on this, but if you are a woman who has been stuck in their body, being the “cool girl” in relationships, abandoning your true femininity (I am not talking about wearing dresses or doing your hair), look into feminine healing. It’s reconnecting to your flow that is innate in you. My therapist gave me a 20-minute guided practice that has helped me so much! The mental clarity I have after this practice has navigated me through a very difficult path.
You are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are. Embrace yourself completely and what you receive in the world will reflect this.
